just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
