How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
