May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
