whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You are a genius and a whore.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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