please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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