this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
