I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
