He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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