This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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