so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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