I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
