Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
