Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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