based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
