i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
