Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
