Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
