I'm pants shitting drunk right now
she smelled like a LAN party
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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