I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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