So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
