need another drink. this is the easiest way
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
