Screwed.edu
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
