ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
