She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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