he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I lost the right to judge tonight
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
