I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
