I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
