Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
