my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
