Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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