Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My ass is underappreciated
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
