hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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