So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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