Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
