Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I understand Curling. That high.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
