if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
