please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You have to summon your inner elephant
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
