I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
