There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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