Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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