Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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