bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
