Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
