dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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