I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i dont even know how to be here
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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