after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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