first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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