just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
