remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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