It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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