theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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