did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
