well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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