Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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