i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
