she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
