He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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